Hedgehog's Dillemma

When you want to cuddle but end up hurting someone else.

You know, Shinji from Evangelion series has always been my emo-go-to figure. During high school when i first watched the original run of Evangelion, i saw myself in the series's main protagonist, Shinji Ikari.

He was shy and awkward kid, he's passive but craves attention at the same time. He's not the best Eva pilot in the series, in fact he got nothing special at all.

He's just a kid.

With overwhelming burden forced upon his shoulder to bear.

And that burden broke him. It's too heavy to bear, he collapses in a mental breakdown.

But Shinji has always been broken from the start. After his mother "died" his father cut all connections with him and left Shinji in the care of some aquintance of his. Shinji, feeling unwanted and unloved never develops any self respect, and his effort to connect to other people failed because of his timid personality. This made him gave up on any chance of connecting with other people, thus he never had any meaningful rapport with others.

This is where the series references a psychological term of "Hedgehog's Dillemma", when a hedgehog wants to cuddle with other hedgehogs, he ends up hurting himself and other because of the spikes on his body.

That has got to be the most emo thing ever.

Shinji's charcaterization struck me deep, i identifies him as myself, so much so i deliberately (and subconciously) superimposed myself on his position. His struggle, his acceptance with his condition, is something that an angsty teen like me during highschool can relate.

Hideaki Anno, the creator of the franchise once stated, Evangelion is a coming-of-age story. It's about this kid who is growing up, learning to cope with difficulties of adult life, making small steps each time, sometimes very small steps, but steps nonetheless.

Growing up is bittersweet, taking harsh lessons and learning from it, coping with difficulties only to grow tougher, small steps each time. Although Shinji's ending is decided by the viewers, although he fell into a deeper despair and breakdowns, he is making the effort and the small steps.

One can learn a lesson from Evangelion. Shinji is an example of one kid, pushed to his limits, burden with the world and has limited support from his peers.

 I personally take this as a lesson to care more about others, and to pay attention. Who knows? someone close to you might be Shinji Ikari right now.




Zig Kuretake Black Sumi Ink on Canson Mix media paper (300gsm)